Crying Over Canapés

This is an oldie but goodie from a newsletter I sent out in 2012, when I was in the midst of wedding planning. I think it’s still something we can all relate to at some point or another. Enjoy! 

Rewind to 2012: 

A couple of weekends ago I was on the phone with my dad discussing canapé options for my upcoming wedding. To my dad’s disbelief, I started crying and had to get off the phone. Was I crying over canapés? Ok, yes, but not REALLY. Sure, I care about the canapés at the wedding, but not enough to cry about them- it was however, the straw that broke this camel’s back.

The 2 weeks leading up to my canapé conversation, I had been doing a lot – working, organizing upcoming events and classes, renovating our home, planning a wedding, trying to be a decent partner, friend, sister, daughter, teacher, coach etc. When I asked myself – what is this really about? My answer: I just want to go for a walk outside – I have been wanting to take a walk for weeks and haven’t. I was so busy doing, I forgot about being. I forgot about being me, about what I enjoy, about what I need to do regularly to feed my soul, to keep my cup full, so I don’t end up on the phone, crying over canapés.

I realised I had let my cup empty. I had forgotten to take care of me. When we keep our cup full and take care of ourselves, we are so much better equipped to wear all the different hats in our lives, to fulfill our various roles, be it: mother, daughter, sister, wife, lover, friend, employee, boss, teacher, student etc.

I wiped my tears, blew of my nose and got down to: Operation Refill My Cup. I knew what I had to do: start doing those things I love, things I enjoy, things that feed my soul, things that I had let slip. Letting them go, just reinforced what I already – how hugely important self care and keeping your cup full is.

The first thing I did, was lock myself in the bathroom in the middle of the afternoon. I turned off all the lights, lit some candles and took a bath and a shower. I shaved my legs- like, really shaved my legs- not the usual 3 swipes per leg. I used all my different scrubs, masks, lotions and potions that I had been saving and planning to use. I came out feeling better; my cup felt a little bit more full. Then I went for a walk, a nice long walk. It might not seem like anything special, but the fact that I showered and walked with the sole intention of doing it for me, with caring for myself in mind, completely transformed the experience into a treat, into something special. Had I done it with the idea of showering because I was rushing to get somewhere or walking because I had to exercise, it wouldn’t have been the same.

I let the rest of the weekend be the same – I filled it with things I had been wanting to do, but had pushed aside. Instead, I pushed everything else aside and made space to focus on me. I walked, I drank tea from my favorite mug, I called friends, I did yoga, I lit candles, I wrote in my journal, I meditated longer, I took time to put jewellery on, I danced, I went to bed early and read, I baked. All these little things added up. I felt like a new woman by the end of the weekend. I had checked back in with me, I felt ready to conquer my to do lists and various other jobs, but this time moving forward I promised myself to keep my cup full while doing so.

When I am happy and taking care of me, everyone around me benefits and I am best able to be of service. Keeping your cup full and taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. NOT taking care of yourself is selfish to those around you, because you are not able to give them your best self.

What have you been neglecting in your life? Exercise? Cooking? Creativity? Intimacy? Self care? Friendships? Your social life? A hobby that you love? Schedule self care into your diary- make appointments for yourself if you know you’ll forget to do it at home. Light candles when you don’t feel like making dinner, drink your water from a wine glass, use your “good” china, put some lotion on your hands and feet before bed.

Where do you need to check back in and focus in, so you can keep your cup full and not end up crying over canapés?